THE BEST LEGS IN 8TH GRADE (1984) Totally 80s teleplay starring Tim Matheson and a lot of soul searching relationship talk.

bestlegs_betaboxTheme Song: No.

Interesting Dated References: Being really into Nautilus.

Best Line: “It’s not you, it’s me.”

Social Context: A bunch of 80s cocaine-induced soul searching relationship talk that has no relevance in today’s society.

Summary: Tim Matheson, that guy from all those movies, stars in what is obviously a filmed play on a sitcom sound stage. This is called a teleplay and they were all the rage in the 80s. Originally they were designed to be acting showcases for famous stars, but soon enough they were reduced to one-off sitcoms. Oh, and Jim Belushi plays some type of biker-cupid-saint. Totally-fucking-80s. Matheson is a down-on-his-love lawyer who is apparently in the middle of screwing up a relationship.

After going to bed in his one-bedroom sound stage apartment, he is awakened by some type of It’s A Wonderful Life-angel played by Belushi, who convinces him to remedy things with a new date he was trying to go on.

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The entire scene is filmed like, acted like, and edited like a sitcom. There are tons of bad 80s references as the actors go back and forth.

The “movie” flashes forward three years later and takes place on yet another sound stage, this one looking like a gym. Matheson is working out in shorts and sees a girl he recognizes. After hawking her non-stop, his real girlfriend Rachel shows up. She is frumpy and not 80s-hot in a leotard. Matheson brushes off his lady and proceeds to stalk and harass the hot chick. Eventually they realize they went to the same high school.

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So the two agree to go out on a date, despite the fact the superficial hot lady has no recollection of Matheson in high school, and he slowly reveals he was stalking her non-stop. Then Matheson’s actual girlfriend shows back up and overhears the plans for a date. She throws a fit. So then Matheson and his girlfriend fight about yuppie things and chronic dissatisfaction. There’s actually a fair bit of drama, but it’s overruled by this fucking set and this video film stock.

The alleged climax comes when Matheson and his real girlfriend agree to end the relationship. The girlfriend delivers hilariously unrealistic lines of dialogue that I wish I could inspire someone to say. Matheson then has another conversation with the hot chick from high school and slowly starts to realize she is still fixated on high school and living in the past. So he breaks the date they made 20 minutes previous. This is apparently really upsetting to the hot chick, who gets mildly upset. Then Matheson makes up with his real girlfriend, who is actually slightly hotter in that normal girl kind of way. This is kind of bizarre because now he’s pleading to get back together and acting like his on-the-fly decision to try to score with the old high school friend is no big deal. Then they kiss and leave and Jim Belushi is cleaning up the gym.

Did I mention this movie was 45 minutes? Oh, and how about how fucking disturbing the title is? I mean, how the fuck were they going to market this?

Poster and Box Art: Yeah. Airbrushing rules. 80s logo-type treatments rule. All that punk shit sucks. Circle of shit.

Availability: As always, used VHS on ebay.

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