“La-La-La-Laid” by Unknown.
“You Can’t Lose” by Unknown. For some reason Cherry Hill High has two awesome original songs but there are no credits given for them. This is a shame as they are both great.
Interesting Dated References: C.B. talk, drinking pop out of a can with a straw, the world before STDs.
Best Line: None.
Social Context: There is no reason for movies like this to exist other than the to give lonely single males boners. Giving lonely sigle males a boner is not a social context.
Summary: The editing in this movie is so fucking bizarre the entire film almost crosses over from wacky-teen-sex-comedy to Brakhage-esque art film. It is so disjointed and out of sync it must be some sort of experiment. There is no other explanation. Cherry Hill High follows five high school girls and their teacher on a two-week bike ride/camping trip thing. Never mind the fact not one fucking person has on a backpack. No, we won’t concern ourselves with such details since this is a no-budget sex comedy. That’s not to say this is a bad movie. I think we all love movies that feature 70s chicks riding around on bikes. If that’s what you’re looking for, Cherry Hill High delivers in spades. However, if you’re looking for actual logistics about how the girls survived while camping and what their daily supply rations were, you’d better steer clear.
So after the first night, these five girls all commit to lose their virginity on the bike trip. The next day they bathe nude in a lake and get on course. The first deflowering happens when, while at the beach, Hot 70s Girl #1 meets Abalone the Sharkfighter. He uses his cunning sharkfighter wit to convince her to have sex with him in a pool with a shark. This involves him saying, “Do you want to make it in the pool with a shark?” Once they arrive at the pool, which is inexplicably in a stadium, they have another hilarious conversation about sex. Stock shark footage is intercut with Abalone and the hot girl in scuba gear. Did I mention this fucking guys name is Abalone the Sharkfighter? Did you even know sharkfighting was an actual profession? Since Hot Girl #1 is a virgin, the shark goes crazy from the blood. Or at least it’s insinuated he goes crazy as we see Abalone wielding a knife and stabbing at a large mass underwater. Then all the girls giggle and run away.
The second girl to get it is the Not Really Hot Girl #2. She gets picked up by a biker and then they drive around. They must drive around in a big circle because when they get ready to make love all the other girls are suddenly there watching. Then it’s revealed the biker is a chick. It is also revealed that Not Really Hot Girl #2 has a long ass. Then they fool around.
Next up is Annoying but Hot French Girl # 3. She meets some type of goth kid in town and he invites them to crash at his abandoned house. The goth kid dresses as a ghost and does it with Annoying but Hot French Girl #3 in a casket.
Finally, Not Really Hot Girl #3 is able to use her bike mounted C.B. to signal a trucker. It just so happens this trucker has been following them the whole movie, as well. The C.B. talk has occurred in several scenes and I was trying to ignore it, but it looks like they’re going to use it as a plot device. Again, this a two-week bike trip, and they must just be going in a large circle. I’m not going to try to make sense of it. So after lots of C.B. talk, they meet at a drag race and have sex in the back of a car. The editing and insinuated action here is so fucking disorienting. I can’t believe it’s Saturday night and this is how I choose to be spending my time.
When the girls wind up at a winery, the teacher bangs a guy. It doesn’t seem to have much to do with the film, though. After the winery, the girls wind up in a grocery store parking lot where a game show is being filmed. Or at least it is insinuated that is what’s going on in between all the choppy edits and dialogue overdubs. Hot Girl With Huge Cans #4 has sex with a guy in a chicken costume. They don’t really clarify why he is dressed like a chicken, but my guess would be that it was the cheapest costume at the rental place. After that, the last girl, lets call her Smart Hot Girl #5, declines to make love with the “nice guy” who has been following the girls the whole movie. His name is Larry the Telephone Lineman and he pops up every few scenes trying to woo Smart Hot Girl #5. After she crushes his spirit by telling him he’s too nice to have sex with, he dresses like an alien and abducts her. Then he reveals he is actually a millionaire and she then decides to have sex with him. Okay, so then all the girls are on a sailboat and they discuss who won the contest. The teacher goes through each case, complete with a film recap designed to pad the length of the film by at least 20 minutes. They decide Smart Hot Girl #5 wins because she followed her heart or something. If you are a guy and you collect comics and live alone, you would probably want to watch this.
Poster and Box Art This movie has an awesome box simply because the girls on the box are not the girls in the movie. That rules. The girls on the box are actually way better looking than the girls in the movie. The girls in the movie are like 3rd-rate versions of the girls on the box.
Availability: No. Unless you find a used VHS.