Theme Song: 4 of them, see below.
Interesting Dated References: April Wine.
Best Line: None
Social Context: Canadian bands, their shelf life, and struggle to make it big in America.
Summary: April Wine was another one of those Canadian guitar rock imports like Saga, Trooper, Mahogany Rush (not to be confused with actual Rush), and Moxy who all suffered through the 70s trying to find a footing. Finally in the 80s (and with only one remaining original member), April Wine finally got success in the U.S. with the double wallop of Harder, Faster and The Nature of The Beast. They tried to align themselves with the hot licks of early-80s arena/adult-oriented rock, and similar Canadian act Loverboy but they never quite caught on. The albums following these two “definitive” albums were a disappointment and led to no one (in America at least) ever caring about about April Wine ever again.
So, on this “Video 45” we have selections from the two albums after people stopped giving a fuck about April Wine. That means if all goes according to plan, the band should be in full “we’re gonna make a comeback” mode (which I needn’t remind you never happened). The first video for “Sons of Pioneers” features a bunch of NASA footage cut in with the band performing on stage. That’s right, just old stock footage, lots of video effects, lots of tilting and skewing, and lots of guys in tight t-shirts playing guitars.
The actual song itself sounds like garbage. It sounds like something your mom would say “rocks,” but I would just say “sounds like the ending song in some shitty Beta movie I have to review.” It’s obvious the budget for this video was $17 (Canadian) and most of that was spent on Posterization and Skew effects.
The second video is for a song named “This Could Be the Right One.” The song features mind-blowing lyrics like, “To give you pleasure is a pleasure for me.” But we’re not here for lyrics. We’re here for post-apocalyptic worlds where men ride around in spaceships that contain lots of that silver tubing that goes on your dryer.
Apparently all funds were wasted on dryer tubing and cheesecloth. The guys from April Wine are in a ship singing. The lead singer Myles is holding some type of gem. Then the guys from April Wine aren’t on a ship anymore, but instead are walking through the grounds of a renaissance faire in the winter, still singing. They are approaching the castle. Inside the castle is mainly post-apocalyptic wood and beaten up drywall. The guys from April Wine barge their way past the debris and find a stage that includes those futuristic synthesizer drums that are still all the rage now that we’re in the future. Then Myles the lead singer of April Wine uses the gem to awaken two women who look like they just walked out of Nagel paintings. Suddenly a flashback occurs in which we see these two women giving said gem to a little boy. I think we are supposed to assume this boy is Myles, the lead singer of April Wine. Then the two women fight for the boy’s affection. One sits with him on the carpet and looks at a puzzle. The other one brings him shirtless into a room and tries to take the gem. Then a bad sound effect indicates a blast or something, and the two women shoot imaginary beams at each other. Then it’s back to the present-future and the band stands on stage, still singing, still in cheesecloth.
It’s totally implausible that after some type of apocalypse there would even be that much dryer tubing around. Do you think the effects man believes the viewer would be fooled into thinking it were some type of spaceship? And just because you wear a bunch of beige clothes with paint all over them doesn’t mean the viewer will think these guys are in the future. If that were the case, I would think my grandpa were in the future every time I see him.
The third video is a Beatles cover. April Wine has chosen to subject us to their rendition of “Tell Me Why” that no one asked for. Right from the start it’s apparent this is an older video. It’s just the dudes from April Wine sitting in a convertible with a flat, only there’s a woman in the car, and Myles from April Wine is so tough he makes her change it:
Oh yeah, he’s singing the whole time, and the rest of the guys from April Wine just sit in the back seat and play guitar:
Then Myles from April Wine berates the lady some more while she is changing the tire. She must be doing a real shit job.
Then they drive off. Myles is left outside the vehicle and becomes so upset he kicks the dirt. Off in the distance a Culligan Water Supply building is visible.
The fourth video must be from the exact same filming session. Only now, the guys from April Wine are semi-singing through a C.B.
All of the guys are driving around picking up clearly underage girls and making them get in the back of the semi trailer.
After they have collected enough, they go in back of the trailer and start performing for them.
This must drive the crowd wild because we are subjected to shots of the band playing at various angles for another four fucking minutes. In the final second of the song, we see the guys from April Wine making their getaway from all the underage teens they picked up.
As for the Video 45 series, it seems it was another failed Sony attempt at cashing in on Betamax and a video-crazy MTV market.
Poster and Box Art The box features the band in their outfits from the future.
Availability: I didn’t see any on eBay.